Absence makes the heart go flounder
Yes, I’m a powerhouse singer – but sometimes
when I open my mouth, funny comes out
Here’s what you need to know about me: I am, by nature, a night owl, so I have a hard time getting up in the morning, and I’m completely useless until I’ve had my first cup of tea. I mess up expressions – a lot. I’ll sometimes fuse two different ones together, or even use the wrong words (as in the headline of this page). Those are called malaprops, I’m told…but I blurt them out so often, my family calls them “Valaprops.” I’m sure a few will crop up later on this page, but we’ll burn that bridge before we cross it. … Now … where was I?
Oh, yeah…I’m a pretty good cook (I make wicked awesome chicken parmigiana and meatballs marinara) but I can’t bake very well. I’m no good with computers or other tech stuff…90 percent of the features on my smartphone go to waste. I can’t fix cars. In fact, I’m legally blind in one eye…so I can’t even drive a car without a passenger holding onto the dashboard for dear life.
But, by golly, I can sing.
It’s not a gift I sought after or even wanted. In fact, I didn’t even know I had it until I was in high school. (You can read more about that – and the rest of my story, which most folks find fascinating – in Becoming Valerie Sneade, which I’ll be posting soon.)
There’s a saying that “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift to God.” Well, singing was the gift given to me. It was clearly intervine divention. Oops…that should’ve been divine intervention. (See what I mean?) But once I discovered I had it, I was determined to do everything I could to learn how to use it to the best of my ability.
Now, that was quite a tough journey, and you can find my “serious” credentials by clicking on the Who IS that Girl? image to the right (it will open up a PDF file). But right now, I need to share something important about myself.
The “Real” Me (Don’t let the pictures fool you)
Take a look at the cover of my first CD, there on the left. Do you like it? Well, I hate it! Sure, it’s flattering…I mean, I’m all dolled up…hair and makeup just perfect…beautiful dress and all. But it’s just not me!
What I mean is, it looks as if the photographer snatched me from the stage of the Metropolitan Opera to pose for that photo shoot. (There’s even a shot with a shawl over my head. I look like a flippin’ Druid.) The picture makes me appear to be some kind of diva.
Seriously…after all I’ve told you about myself, do I seem like a diva to you?
But when people see see those fancy photos…when they read about my background…they sometimes assume I’m a bit…I don’t know…let’s say highfalutin or unapproachable. Then they meet me in person or see me perform…and they realize that, hey, even though I have this foghorn of a voice (I’ve got a nearly three-octave range…and I have to admit, I can rattle the walls if I want to), I’m also friendly and genuine and goofy and funny. When I greet the audience at the exit after each performance, I get lots of hugs. They love me and they love the experience I give them. That’s why so many people have flocked to my shows over the years.
But here’s the other thing: I deliver top-notch, Broadway-caliber entertainment without your having to break into your piggy bank. For the quality of performance and production values I offer, you’ll find my pricing surprisingly reasonable. When you consider what I bring to the table…and the level of audience satisfaction I create…I can safely say you won’t find a better entertainment value for your dollar. And here’s why:
When I get in front of an audience, it’s not about “me” and my performance. It’s all about them. It’s about connecting with those folks in the seats…being accessible and friendly so they feel like they know me…engaging their emotions…allowing them to become participants instead of just spectators. They don’t want to simply be enthralled by a great voice. They want to be entertained! They want to sing along and clap their hands and tap their feet and, yes, even dance if they feel so moved.
And that’s what the Valerie Sneade experience is all about! So whether you’re an existing or future patron looking for a fun-filled, high-energy way to spend an evening…or you’re an activity director or theater manager looking to book an exciting performer your audiences will love (and want to see again and again)…you’ve come to the right place.
Visit my Showcase pages to find out what shows I have already established and ready to go. Then contact me today so we can talk about your needs…and also so I can get you on my schedule to “lock in” your preferred performance dates – before my calendar fills up. Don’t delay! You need to strike the iron while the camel is hot.
Wait…I got that wrong, didn’t I?